I have spent the past hour with the two sets of given instructions for connecting a mobile client to my free network, trying PPTP as well as every IPSec offered on my phone with every combination of certificates my phone would let me try. All of this was to no avail, and each and every attempt has responded with the message, "Unsuccessful", without explanation.
I am at the end of my rope, and I apologize if my aggravation is bleeding through. I don't know enough about Hamachi to troubleshoot this myself (apart from brute-forcing option combinations), and every "solved" iteration of my debacle on this site seems to equate "someone else has this problem, too!" with a real solution.